Even with the deepest experience, the change within us is gradual until we fully understood and accept it. Experiencing something once isn't enough. Gurudeva distinguishes between devotion and emotion. There are many experiences deeper than light and sound. We end up in Satchidananda which is compared to inner space.

Master Course Trilogy, Merging with Siva, Lesson 339.

Unedited Transcript:

Good morning everyone.

Reading this morning from Merging with Siva, Lesson 339.

It's a little deep but I think there's something in it that we can all, all relate to.

"After his first nirvikalpa samadhi, the renunciate's concentration and his practice of concentration should be easier. His first step in practicing samadhi would be to concentrate upon one physical object, that is if he cannot see his inner light. And if his mind is confused, he won't be able to see the inner light, like before he went into his first samadhi. Only after he has gone into samadhi many, many, many times, where his whole body becomes filled with light, will he then see his inner light all the time, twenty-four hours a day. But at first he won't. He will have his first breakthrough, but he won't see the light all the time."

I think the general principle here, broadened is the idea that experiencing something once isn't enough. That's what it's telling us that, in this case it's talking about nirvikalpa samadhi, but any inner experience, we have an inner experience once, no matter how profound, it doesn't totally transform us. It's not like being struck by lightening or something where we just have to have one experience once and then we're totally a different person cause of one experience one. It's a gradual process as Gurudeva's pointing out. Even with the deepest experiences the change within us is gradual; it's not instantaneous or happening within a couple of months.

"If he doesn't see the inner light, he must concentrate, get his mind quiet, write down his confessions and understand the different experiences he has gone through, in the very same way he has been taught in his beginning study. Then, finally, when his inner light--which he will soon begin to find right at the top of the head--comes into prominence, he must turn his concentration onto that..."

One of the consequences of having inner experiences is those experiences we've had in the past, that we haven't totally resolved, become more apparent. So that can be unpleasant shall we say. To all of a sudden remember something that happened many years ago that's unresolved then it... Why does it come up now? Because we had some deep inner experiences and we're more aware of it's presence. And as Gurudeva says: We need to understand them. Understand the different experiences we have gone through. Well experiences are there so we gain new understandings and until something is fully understood and accepted then it can pop up and be a distraction or a blockage to seeing our inner light.

"...Then, finally, when his inner light--which he will soon begin to find right at the top of the head--comes into prominence, he must turn his concentration onto that. And, with enough mind power, he should be able to hold that inner light, a very bright white light looking just like a star, right at the top of the head. This will give him figures and conscious-mind forms, about three inches in diameter, and then he would concentrate the light into a three-inch diameter. He may not always know where the center is, especially if he has been involved in his Saiva seva. If that is so, he should press the top of his head with his finger, and that will indicate to him where the center of that light should be. This will immediately center his awareness in the center of the light. Then he tries to part it, tries to open it up like a camera lens, and comes into very brilliant light. It will just be scintillating, much brighter than a star. It will be like a carbon-arc light. This is very brilliant and very powerful. The renunciate is then schooled in how to hold that to a three-inch diameter, because the tendency will be for that light to fill up his whole head. He will feel very blissful. (And the next sentence may be a surprise.) We don't want that to happen. (What? Why don't we want to be blissful? Gurudeva explains:) We don't want the emotions or the lower mind to get out of control simply because he found a bright light in his head."

Well he's talking about an emotional blissfulness. In some religious traditions that would be like the high point. We're emotionally blissful. So, in our teachings, becoming emotional blissful, just, you can't go any deeper. You've arrived in an emotionally blissful state and you're not able to go any deeper cause there's too much emotion involved. So it's, Gurudeva, in other writings he distinguishes between emotion and devotion. We want a, to have lots of devotion but without any emotion or normal emotional feelings. In other words, devotion is a very controlled state of mind when it's approached, as Gurudeva describes it. Whereas emotion is, you're kind of letting go of your emotional control. So, we don't want to do that.

"He has seen other seekers, as they were just awakening in the inner light, get so carried away about the inner light, that it throws them into an emotional state and they can get fanatical about it. It doesn't give them any inner wisdom or anything like that. So, remembering this, the wise sannyasin will not allow himself to get emotional about the inner light, because seeing this light indicates that he is only beginning to come into his superconscious. The light, really, is the friction of the superconscious mind against the conscious and subconscious mind. In my way of looking at it, it is an electrical friction. The odic forces and the actinic forces merging causes light and sound..."

In other words, there's many experiences deeper than light and sound. Light and sound are produced because most odic force and actinic force are present. Then Gurudeva explains it a little more:

"...So, when he sees this brilliant light right in his head, more brilliant than he has ever seen, intensified brilliance--he tries to find the center of it. When he finds the center of it, again trying to open up that light like a camera lens, he will then come into a state of consciousness called Satchidananda, a state of pure consciousness, a state of pure bliss, savikalpa samadhi. Here he won't be in a brilliant light anymore. Above him it will look like he is looking way up in the sky, into outer space, and the color of it will be a whitish blue. That will be the akasha he will be in."

So that's a nice clear description. Usually you don't find anything so precisely explained about inner states of consciousness. That we're trying to see inner light, then we're trying to see a brilliant inner light, then we're trying to find the center of it, then we're trying to go through the center of it so we don't see light any more. We end up in Satchidananda which is compared to inner space, whitish blue.

So thank you very much for listening.

Aum Namah Sivaya.