Separation in an Abusive Marriage, part 2
Satguru Sivaya Subramuniyaswami , 2000-02-24
Gurudeva addresses a difficult and tragic topic today in response to an e-devotee's question"Is divorce not an option even in an abusive relationship?" Gurudeva discusses the nature of such relationships, possible causes, and offers a way out.
One of the increments that is missing today in a marriage is religion. Religion provides expert marriage counselling. Religion provides a release for the emotions, some one to talk with and a hope for the future. Where people turned away from religion to look to science for all the answers, to communism for all the answers, they had many great losses. One of the great loss was the family.
Religion provides the sacrament of marriage. Religion provides an on-going counselling, so that the marriage works out properly. (And,)This is workable providing the mother and the father are of the same religion and have the same religious minister or priest to guide them. A proper marriage is two families merging. Hopefully, both families are of the same religion. Otherwise, they won't merge properly and that provides a support system for the marriage. Even in our religion, Hinduism, people all over the world are looking to the West, looking to science, looking away from religion for all the answers and family values are going downhill, faster than they can be lifted up.
Divorce has become a way of solving a problem. But, there is a tremendous karma in divorce and also, karma for the lawyer and the judge, who steps between the husband and the wife and makes a permanent separation. That is why we recommend to our religious people, a legal separation and working the powers of sadhana. Women can go to a ladies' ashram, men can go to a men's ashram. They can perform sadhana until they have added spiritual standard enough to come back together.
It all starts with the first slap and if the first slap comes before the wedding day, the wife will know what she is getting into and she will do a double-take, by buying a car with known problems within the engine. If a man has been promiscuous sexually before the marriage, it is like buying a used car. He will expect favours from her that she will not be able to perform. (And,)Then the anger comes out and the separation begins. But, once the marriage sacrement has happened, the new karmas start and will continue through life even if there is a legal divorce, they will continue through life making new karma that does not have to be made in this life.
So, therefore, a spiritual separation [is] for religious purposes, for each one to re-evaluate his life with counselling, swamis or gurus. (and)There are many in the world today. There are 3 million swamis and gurus and sadhus, around the world today, who can help mend the situation. (and)When the situation is mended, who is to benefit? The children. Through the past 50 years of ministry, I have seen, marriages fall apart and be healed by spiritual, temporary separation, for each couple to get a hold of themselves. It is a system that really, really works.