CHAPTER 2: PERCEPTIVE SELF-CORRECTION
Learning to Get Along
Savitri paused in the middle of shouting, distracted for a moment by the sound of Dad closing the garage door after parking the car. Then she continued. “You’re so mean to me, Rekha! All I did was borrow your shoes, and you hit the roof!”§
Rekha was already angry, but now her face turned bright red. “You always take my stuff without asking!” This was their third fight of the day, and it wasn’t even evening yet.§
Savitri felt tears in her eyes. “That’s not true! It’s not like I’m stealing anything—I always put them back. I just thought you wouldn’t mind.” Then she stopped talking, because she didn’t want to start crying. §
She and her sister used to be best friends, but starting about six months ago, they were arguing on a daily basis, with a big blowup at least once a week. Mom and Dad each had long conversations with the girls, together and separately. They explained the different ways the girls could settle their disputes in a peaceful manner, and correct their own faults. It used to work, and everyone got along until recently. Now, despite their parents’ best efforts, there was painfully little progress. §
Even though she was four years younger, Savitri was almost her sister’s height and could wear her clothes and shoes. But dress and shoe size were just one part of the problem. As they were growing up, Savitri adored Rekha. Now their worlds were starting to overlap… and collide. Whenever Rekha’s friends came over, Savitri joined in. If Rekha was going to a movie, Savitri begged to tag along. §
Rekha wanted her independence. She just hated it last week when Dad asked her to babysit Savitri on a Saturday night because he and Mom had to go to an important business dinner. Rekha had to cancel a movie date with her girlfriends. She thought to herself, “Since she’s so big, why can’t she babysit herself?” and blamed Savitri for missing her movie outing. §
Hearing the shouting even before he got out of the car, Dad headed upstairs. Mom was down with the flu since last weekend, and he was worried that the girls’ fight would upset her.§
“Girls! Enough already! Rekha, Savitri, go to your rooms and come down only for dinner. No television for either of you tonight. You know Mom is sick. How many times have I asked you not to fight like this?”§
“A lot?” said Rekha gazing down shyly. “I’m sorry, Dad, but it’s all Savitri’s fault.”§
“Is not!”§
“Is, too!”§
“Please, just go to your rooms.”§
Savitri didn’t go to her room, but instead went down to the bench in the garden beside the family’s outdoor Ganesha shrine. It was a beautiful place, fragrant with the scent of Mom’s roses, always peaceful. Savitri also liked it because it was right next to the kitchen, and the smell of Mom’s good cooking mixed right in with that of the roses. Savitri was trying to understand for herself why she kept fighting with Rekha, but she always ended up just blaming her older sister. Her thoughts were interrupted when she overheard Mom and Dad in the kitchen.§
“Will they ever stop?” Mom asked tearfully as Dad gave her a big hug.§
Savitri knew it wasn’t right to eavesdrop, but moved closer to the window anyway.§
“Who knows? I’m told they will outgrow it, but when?”§
Mom sobbed, “What are we doing wrong?”§
“There, there, Anjali, it’s the flu bug that’s got you down. Don’t let their fights upset you. I know it’s hard. I’ve spoken to both of them so many times. I told Savitri not to borrow her sister’s things without asking her permission—that’s what started the latest fight—but she just won’t listen. I told them how they will be each other’s best friend for the rest of their lives, especially after they start their own families. But they just don’t get it.”§
Savitri was shocked at how upset Mom was. She ran quickly upstairs to her sister’s room and barged in. “Mom’s crying because of us!” §
Rekha, sitting on her bed, was still mad. “Because of you maybe! You start everything.”§
“No, no, you’re not hearing me! Mom’s really upset, and Dad was telling her how he has talked to us so many times, but we don’t listen. Do you think it’s true?”§
“Maybe… Maybe we really are doing something wrong. Mom’s crying because of us?”§
“I feel really bad about that. It’s true that they talk to us about getting along and all that stuff about being BFFs. There could be something to it—you know how close Mom is with Aunt Tara.”§
“How do we stop?” questioned Savitri. “When I do something you don’t like, you yell at me, I yell back, and the fight is on.”§
Smiling in spite of herself, Rehka said, “You know how Dad taught us to find and fix our own faults? ‘Self-correction,’ he calls it. The first step is admitting that we are doing something wrong. That’s always the hardest part. I think we can agree we are doing something wrong! Let’s make a list of the things we fight about.”§
Savitri responded with enthusiasm. “We always fight because I borrow your shoes.”§
Rekha rolled her eyes. “That’s because you don’t bother to clean and polish them before giving them back. Otherwise, I wouldn’t mind so much.”§
“Really!? You really don’t mind my borrowing your shoes?”§
“I guess not, if you don’t wreck them and if you clean them properly.”§
“Of course I will. You should have told me earlier.” §
Rekha sighed. “I did tell you earlier, but you didn’t listen. Just like when you grab the front seat in the car all the time. Can’t we take turns?”§
“I suppose so, I didn’t realize you wanted to sit up front so bad.”§
“Well, I do.”§
“And then your having to watch after me when Mom and Dad go out—I know that ruins your day!”§
Rekha grinned. “Well, it is my duty as the older sister, so I probably shouldn’t complain. But you can’t expect me to also hang with you all day when I want to talk to my friends on the phone or check email and Facebook.” §
“OK, maybe I should have my friends over more often—that way I wouldn’t be pestering you all the time.”§
“And when I have my friends over, you can’t always keep trying to join us. Sometimes we’ve got big girl stuff to talk about.”§
Both sat silent for a few minutes. They realized they had given their parents a lot of grief over the last few months. Neither was quite sure what started the fighting. It was never like this before. §
The sisters talked for another hour and completed their list of things they fought about—a method Dad had explained to them several times, but they never actually tried. The list wasn’t that long—clothes, friends, snacks, TV, who sits where in the car, and a few more. Nothing looked all that important in writing. They agreed on a formula to avoid fights about each item on the list: have alternate favorite TV shows, take turns with the best seat in the car, ask before borrowing, and so forth.§
That next Friday, the day had been bright and sunny, and the two girls came home from school in a good mood. The school year was almost over, and summer vacation would start in a week’s time. Rekha flopped down on the sofa and grabbed the TV remote. In a few minutes, her favorite show would come on.§
Savitri glared at her. “Don’t you dare take over the TV!”§
Mom heard Savitri’s loud voice from the kitchen and sighed, “Not again….”§
To her surprise, though, she heard Rekha reply softly, “We decided that I would hand the TV over to you after I watched this show, remember?”§
Savitri apologized, “Oh right, I forgot. Sorry.”§
Mom could not believe her ears. Dad had just come into the kitchen. “Some kind of a miracle has taken place. For the first time in months, the girls are not fighting over the TV.”§
Dad laughed softly. “So they made it work after all.”§
“Made what work?” §
Dad smiled and put his arm around Mom’s shoulder. “Rekha talked to me the day after they had that big fight. Savitri was outside the kitchen by Ganesha and heard how upset you were, with their fight coming on top of your flu. They felt terrible about it. Rekha told me they would make things better. She said we had taught them to correct their own mistakes, and now they were going to start doing that. She made me promise to not say anything to you until they were sure they could actually stop fighting.”§
Choking back tears, Mom uttered, “I’m so proud of my daughters!”§
Just then the girls came in for a snack. Mom grabbed them both in a big hug and tried to hide her tears. Bewildered, Savitri asked, “Are you crying? What have we done now? We haven’t been fighting!”§
“No, no,” replied Mom, “everything its fine, just fine.”§
And things did go well, until the next year when Rekha got her driver’s license and Savitri wanted to go along every time she took the car out....§
