Harmony in Relationships with Others.
Author: Satguru Bodhinatha Veylanswami
Description: Yoga is controlling awareness throughout the day. Interpersonal relationships impact our meditations. Mystical way of adjusting relationships. Find, understand, accept, work harmoniously with that quality of others hidden within our self. Working through karmas. Everyone is where they are; nothing is wrong.
Transcription:
Good morning.
This is from the recent "Living With Siva" lesson.
"Conflicts with Other People
"Good interpersonal relationships help the meditator a great deal, and meditation helps keep those relations harmonious. When we get along nicely with others, meditation becomes easy. If we have problems with other people, if we argue or disagree mentally and verbally, we must work exceedingly diligently in order to regain the subtlety of meditation. Poor interpersonal relationships are one of the biggest barriers, for they antagonize awareness, causing it to flow through the instinctive and intellectual forces. This puts stress and strain on the nerve system and closes inner doors to superconsciousness."
We talked about this idea a few weeks ago in terms of, I think the phrase I used was: "Yoga is controlling awareness throughout the day." Something like that was the phrase I used. And the idea is that, as Gurudeva points out, what we do during the day impacts our ability to meditate. They're not independent. One isn't the work we're doing during the day and the other is mediation and they have no relationship. It's the same awareness. So, if we antagonize awareness, we get our nervous system upset, we're having trouble getting along with other people, it impacts our meditation. That's what Gurudeva's saying. We need to realize that the two are related. So therefore, when we're really serious about meditation, we need to keep our interpersonal relationships throughout the day harmonious.
"If we cannot get along with our fellow man whom we watch closely, observing the expressions on his face and the inflections of his voice, how will we ever get along with the forces of the subconscious, which we cannot see, or the refined superconscious areas of the inner mind, when we face them in meditation? Obviously, we must conquer and harmonize all our relationships..."
So, this is an interesting point, when you think about it; what's Gurudeva going to say? How do we conquer our relationships with other people and make them harmonious? Well the easiest way, of course, is to change the other person cause we're perfect, right? Obviously, if that person can't get along with us then that person should change.
However, Gurudeva doesn't say that. He says:
"We must conquer and harmonize all our relationships -- not by working to change the other person, but by working with that other person within our self, by working with that other person within our self, for we are only seeing in him what is in us. He becomes a mirror. We cannot allow the unraveling of the relationship by attempted outer manipulation, discussion or analysis to become a barrier to deeper meditation. Instead, we must internalize everything that needs change, work within ourselves and leave other people out of it. This helps to smooth interpersonal relationships, and as these relationships improve, so does our ability to meditate."
What Gurudeva's saying: If we have trouble getting along with someone else there's something in us we don't understand. It's, we see in that other person. Otherwise, we could get along with them. But, if we can't get along it means there's part of ourselves we're not seeing and understanding that we think is in them. We react to it. And the more we react to it the more it's hidden in us. We really have a big reaction it means we've really hidden that quality in ourselves very very well. And therefore, we don't see it at all in ourselves we totally see it in the other person. And likewise, the less the emotional reaction the less hidden the quality is in us. The easier it is to find.
It's a very interesting mystical way of adjusting relationships. Saves a lot of time too. We don't need to sit down and have long discussions with someone. Try and change them. Try and figure out how you can get along better by changing things because it's all inside of you. So, it's much faster to work with. It doesn't mean that every quality we see in someone else we need to think is a great quality. It's not saying that. It's not saying we feel that some things really shouldn't be there. It's saying, we can understand it; we can accept it. It's when we can't understand it or accept it or work with it harmoniously that there's a problem. In other words it's in us and we're not able to find it there.
There's a related point.
"Benefit of Interacting with Others."
It's a quote I copied down. I don't know, probably it popped up on TAKA one day and I have a little file for quotes of Gurudeva that struck me at the time. This is called:
"Benefit of Interacting with Others. (It doesn't come from the previous material. It's separate.)
"They fail to realize or accept that interaction with others, whether householders or monastics, is needed to bring up quickly the karmas to be resolved in this birth and perhaps the next, and that avoidance of others offers no stimulus for progress."
So again, that's not the common way of looking at it. When there's some challenge when working with another person we don't usually thank them. Thank you for helping me work through this karma. Usually we're upset with them; we blame them. Say, Oh they need to change. But, Gurudeva's point is: It's through interacting with others that karmas come up and if we can understand and resolve them, then they go away.
It takes a very great soul to work through karma sitting in a cave by yourself. It can be done. But most people can't do it. It take the interaction with other people to bring up the karma. So, again it's contrary in that the standard idea is: Well everything should be harmonious with someone else. And if it's not then that's a problem. But, this is saying things will come up and they should be worked through.
The last one is;
"Nothing is Wrong
"In the final analysis, we are all doing exactly as we want, as we must, doing what is next on our personal path of evolution. Nothing is wrong. Nothing should be that is not."
So, this is particularly useful for someone who is responsible for someone else such as parents with children. Children may not be behaving and/or be exactly as you would love them to be but that's who they are. And we need to accept it. That's where they are on their personal path of evolution. And everyone is where they are; they're not where you want them to be. Or, where they want themselves to be. They are where they are and we have to do the next thing. And then the next thing. And then the next thing. Whatever that is.
Well again that's contrary to common thinking which is trying to make things other than what they are. Should be this way instead of that way. And you should be and not that way rather than accepting the way someone is and helping them move forward from that point.
Thank you very much. Have a wonderful phase.
[End of transcript.]